As soon as you trust yourself, you will know how to live. – Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
It has been a few months since I have published a post, however I have some good news! As most of you know, I have had a rough time with my health over the past year and a half. Recently, as of the last 2-3 months, I have gradually been feeling better and have been able achieve my biggest New Year’s Resolution – to train Brazilian Jiu Jitsu! After being practically bed-bound this time last year, it is overwhelmingly exciting for me to be able to train a martial art again! I’m loving it!
Being chronically ill is scary, I’m not going to deny that – especially when you remain a medical mystery over countless medical specialist appointments. Making plans for the future feels impossible, let alone making plans for the following week. Having CFS/ME means that each day is unpredictable – you can be doing well for X amount of days, and then randomly relapse with zero warning. This took a huge emotional toll on me, as I have always been a “planner”, a “do-er”. At the beginning of the year, I was determined to make realistic, yet significant goals that would lead to methods of improving my health, life-direction, and well-being. I was not sure if I would be able to exercise again, let alone train within martial arts – something I have been passionate about since I trained karate as a child. For me, martial arts fosters self-confidence, strength, dedication, determination and direction. It helps my emotional and physical well-being.
Moreover, I have found a career direction – another big New Years Resolution of mine. Volunteering with the disabled has made a big impact on me. I am really enjoying it and have decided to make a career out of it! I was completely lost when I left Veterinary school. I was devastated, but I knew it was not right for me due to health and financial reasons. While I had made peace with this, I had no idea what to do next. I kept applying for Marketing jobs and was not successful in landing a position. I had lost my enthusiasm. I was applying for a field that I did not want to work in. Nevertheless, life had other plans for me. When I signed up to volunteer at an organisation that helps the disabled, I had no idea that it would end up my next career direction!
It has been an uphill battle, I wasn’t sure if I was going to be able to achieve any of my resolutions – yet I’m on my way to achieving them all! It goes to show that it is imperative to just keep trying.
Just show up, as you are. You don’t have to look or feel great. You don’t have to be prepared for each challenge or know all the hows of every situation. You don’t have to be fearless, or have all the answers, or be 100% ready. Nobody is any of these things. Nobody ever was. It’s not about being perfect, at all. You just have to show up, as you are, despite all the objections and insecurities of your mind, despite each and every fear that threatens to hold you back, despite the limitations and criticisms others will place on you. To hell with it all. This is your life, your journey, your adventure, and all it’s asking of you is to show up for it, as you are. That’s enough. That’s more than enough. That’s everything.” – Scott Stabile