Let your past make you better, not bitter

Feeling like a lost cause, a waste of potential. Sometimes, I find myself missing veterinary school. Above all, I miss the way my life was in Sydney. The new friends I had made, being out of my comfort zone, having the freedom to finally find myself. I am incredibly grateful for my time there – the experiences, the lessons. It was a difficult journey consisting mostly of a lack of sleep, intense levels of pressure, and crazy working hours. Was it mercy or was it a curse that made me fall ill? A blessing in disguise perhaps? It is difficult to tell. While I did fall of the path I loved, I learned some invaluable lessons along the way.

I threw my heart, mind and soul into what I thought was my dream career. I put too much of myself into working as a live-in veterinary student. Now I have abandoned this “dream”. Not only did I burn out, but I also became chronically ill. After a year of endless doctor appointments, blood tests, various scans and multiple specialists, the diagnosis is Myalgic Encephalomyelitis.  I have lost my ability to work full time, my health, and a lot of my self-confidence. For a good period of time I had also lost my motivation, my enthusiasm , and even my willingness to try. It is important to grieve, and to let yourself go through all of the emotions in order to heal. It is even more important, though, to build yourself back up again. This takes time.

Living in Sydney was a gift. It allowed me to discover deep inner truths I may not have ever discovered otherwise. It made me realise how I wanted to be treated, in terms of what I was and wasn’t willing to put up with – whether in the workplace, among friends, or within relationships. I came to realise how I would like to live my life, amongst other discoveries I never would have otherwise known (even in my wildest dreams). Therefore, I have come to the conclusion that my experiences have been both a blessing and a curse, simultaneously yin and yang.